Energy Boost + Depression?

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Headphones

With Headphones

It’s been . . . a while since I posted.  Losing Taigil, and not knowing where he is, has taken up a lot of my extra energy, and thanks to the addition of 600mg of CoQ10 to my daily supplements, I’ve had a lot more to burn.  What I have discovered, is that extra energy doesn’t mean I feel better, am less depressed, or that somehow my pain isn’t as severe.  In fact, because I’m more awake and not mentally numbed by exhaustion, I notice the pain all the more.

Waiting for Taigil

Waiting for Taigil

On the third day of taking CoQ10, I not only had more energy, I had more awareness of the my usual pain.  I popped two each of acetaminophen and naproxyn sodium to help me get through the day.  It worked, by the way, and I’ve only needed to take one nap since starting them, and that was entirely from a draining day after several days of staying up worrying about Taigil.

While I’ve kept up with my water (except one day), supplements, and even the meditation portion of my goals, I’ve been remiss in taking all my daily photos (at last three missed), and stretching has been my worst since the 4th, despite the extensive physical activity prompted by daily searches for my lost kitten.  I’ve been all over the yard, including down the hill to the pond, across the fallen branches in our neighbor’s yard, up the street to talk to all the neighbors for the first time, down the road posting signs, and everywhere between.  I’ve even been in the crawl space, which my partner has never been in despite owning the house for more than a decade.

That being said, while I’m disappointed in myself for not getting the stretching done (and I can feel the lack between the days that I do remember to do it), I am not as concerned about the daily photo as I thought I would be.  Maybe it’s because since the 12th, I’ve begun looking more and more sad in each photo, and with direct response to . . . well, the very same reason his sister Charlotte looks constantly sad, despondent, and hopeful.

She goes out to check on him several times a day, but stays within 5 feet of the house’s perimeter.  If he’s still alive, he’s likely up a tree avoiding something he finds threatening, or hunkered down beneath any of the hundreds of places in our neighborhood one so slender and small can hide.

Tomorrow I’m going to venture out and be a good homeschooling parent, but I know that my mind will be divided.  I’m trying to keep up with my regimen as well, but it’s so hard when my mind keeps going over a thousand scenarios a minute; what’s the use of having extra energy if it just gets burned up with pain and worry?

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