This has been a plan brewing for some time, and it’s taken my Virgoan planning, and my intuitive timing to decide upon the methods by which I would work on improving me. I have, for the blessed moment, some level of security in my life, and a change, albeit fleeting, to start working with allopathic doctors on some of my most pressing health concerns.
However, there are habits I wish to instill in me in order to further my own goals along this winding path of life. I’ve always known how to give decent advice to others about managing their own self-care and pushing themselves forward (with friendly support, of course), but like many who give advice or counsel other people, they struggle with the life just as much as any other person.
I have had a history of procrastination and of putting my goals and dreams on the back burner for those ideals that I thought were of greater necessity. Sometimes they were, as any act of survival meant getting through another day, but I rarely made time for improving me.
At thirty-two, I can barely walk up and down stairs without pain and struggle. At thirty-two, I am riddled with chronic cysts and sores from a genetic autoimmune disorder. Add to this fibromyalgia and other chronic issues, and I find myself referring to the Spoon Theory often.
After a year of writing, after two years of study and finishing my degree, and after managing to succeed in various personal areas despite the obstacles, I realized I am capable of changing this situation I am in and of improving my body. Even if these chronic illnesses stick around, I will be stronger and better able to face them. At least, that is my hope, my wish, my goal.
One night I sat down, and in full Virgoan glory, created a series of spreadsheets to help me put into order my own thoughts on who I wanted to be, what I wanted to do and learn, and how I thought I might go about getting there. Among the spreadsheets was a list of resolutions to be enacted at the start of each “month” and continued as I added more, in order to create good habits and practice self-care and self led learning. Then I set it aside, because I felt tired, and I did not feel it was time to beginning. I knew that at some point in the near future, I would know when I was ready.
Because I refer to at least five different calendars at any given time, the Western New Year’s holds little by way of my own feeling of new beginnings. Instead, I chose to follow both the moon and my intuition. Over the last week, I’d felt myself growing agitated with need to make changes, every day I did something increasingly impulsive. I volunteered myself for things on impulse, I was bold and asked someone out for whom I’ve held a crush for over a year. On all counts, I received positive reactions. Today, I cut my hair; it was something I had planned to do before I began my program of self-improvement, but like last spring, I cut off far more than I’d originally planned. It felt scary and liberating and affirming and challenging.
It is time.
December 1st–this coming Wednesday–is the new moon. It is a monthly moment of renewal, growth, and attracting that which is important to oneself. December 1st, I will begin my first resolution, and with it, I will be posting here to keep people updated as to my achievements and mistakes. I will come here to celebrate or to remind myself that change takes work or to seek support. The changes may seem small in the grand scheme of life, or even to others, but for me, these very small habits have been some of the hardest for me to maintain in the past.
So saying, I’ll see you Wednesday! Blessed be.